It's not easy to keep the bond beyond the workplace walls, writes Clive Hopkins.

Lots of people apparently make some of their best and longest-lasting friendships in the office. Perhaps it's something about the camaraderie, the shared experience of courage under fire that allows them to forge bonds that can last a lifetime.

Indeed, some people are even lucky enough to meet their spouses in the office. So who's the freak here, them or me? Because I have to admit, I have never formed a work-based friendship that has lasted much beyond the ink drying on my letter of resignation. Or, for that matter, my letter of dismissal. But that's another story.

No, all my long-term friendships have been forged either at school (strictly speaking, wagging school), at uni ("You can't get past page two of Being and Nothingness? Neither can I!") and nowhere in particular. But never, ever at work.

Maybe it's because, while the office might bring out the best in some people, it brings out the absolute worst in me.

But then perhaps most people's experience of office life is different from mine.

That spirit of co-operation, that feeling of going the extra mile for the team, that ritual of the sugary cake and sing-song that marks every birthday - these are all things I hear about from time to time. But my experiences are more of the pointless activity, whispered sniping, cocktail of bullying, insincerity and boredom that colours most office life.

The mind numbing, trying to get to the end of the day without pulling your eyeballs out kind of stuff. Am I alone here?

Now, lifelong army and prison friendships I can understand. There's something about rescuing a buddy from certain death at the hands of the enemy, or certain disfigurement at the hands of an inmate, that I'm sure can create a long and lasting bond.

But rescuing someone from putting the four-week-old milk into their coffee doesn't quite have the same life-changing impact.

I'm not saying that I've never had any mates at work. That would be rather sad and pathetic.

It's just that said mateship has never endured much beyond that farewell party when everyone who you know has hated you for years tries to pretend the opposite.

For me, friendships at work are about finding people who are as lazy and cynical about the company as I am, so I can have someone to bad-mouth the firm to during cigarette breaks, without fear of instant dismissal.

That kind of relationship might be one you'd want to carry over into lunch, or even maybe into the occasional drink after quitting time.

But why would you want it to continue after one or the other of you has quit for good? It would be like carrying on going out with someone after they've had a sex change. It just doesn't make sense.

No, real friendship is about connecting with people on a fundamental level, with other unique individuals who will back you through thick and thin and inspire you to greatness in all aspects of your life - safe in the knowledge that you'll do exactly the same for them. And that's just not something you're ever going to find in the office.

■Clive Hopkins has 45,211 friends on his Facebook page and would love each and every one of you to join them.