An understanding of social etiquette and protocols can make or break your career, writes Ann-Maree Moodie.

In the private dining room of a large Australian company, senior executives are learning how to eat soup.

The menu has been chosen by Glen-Marie Frost, a public relations consultant and the former General Manager of Communications for the Sydney Olympics.

Engaged by the company to counsel senior executives on how to host an important dinner for clients, Frost insisted that soup feature on the menu. It's something of an acid test in the world of etiquette.

"Table manners are so important because they speak volumes for who you are," says Frost. "Your manners are always under examination."

Knowing which fork to use or how to order wine in a restaurant is often dismissed in today's fast-paced business world as being passe or redundant or good fodder for comedy.
 
Who can forget the scene in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts sends a snail flying across a swanky Los Angeles restaurant? "Slippery little suckers," she quips.

But managers with their sights on the top office should beware. Being able to conduct yourself with aplomb at a business dinner can make or break your career.

"Only last week, three people who were short-listed for a [senior management] role in a major international company were invited to a private dinner," Frost says.

"Their CVs and their interviews had all been very impressive and until that point all three were evenly matched for the position."

The dinner was held at the private residence of the company's chairman. As he was away on business, the dinner was hosted by his wife.

In attendance were the chief executive and an executive of the company, two clients and three board members.

"Pre-dinner drinks were served and then the party moved to the dinner table for entree," Frost says.
 
"By the time the main course arrived, the other guests knew which of the three contenders - all men - would get the job."

One man was bullish and overbearing; the second man had no skills in social etiquette or in conversation.

"But the third man made an impression immediately," says Frost. "He stood up and held the chair for the hostess, he passed the bread and engaged the guests on either side - and across the table - in conversation.
 
He was charming, confident and naturally gifted in social etiquette. There was no doubt that he would get the job."

Is the moral that your career hangs on whether you ate your soup with a dessert spoon? Of course not. What's important is knowing how to conduct yourself politely at the dinner table.

"I haven't ever seen a CEO or a chairman who didn't know how to get it just right," Frost says.
 
"Table manners and social protocols are as important for proper presentation as a good suit and polished shoes."
 
Self-presentation skills and an ease with social etiquette are of vital importance in the nurturing and development of ongoing corporate relationships."

June Dally-Watkins, a renowned expert on social etiquette, says the most common mistake made is holding your knife and fork improperly. Chewing with your mouth open is also a problem.
 
The lack of understanding and appreciation for social etiquette can be partly blamed on the trend for not eating as a family at a table.

"Too many people are eating in front of the television and using their fingers and not communicating," Dally-Watkins says.

If we shun the custom of a family meal at a properly set table, how can we expect to be at ease in a business setting?

These skills are especially important when you're the one who has issued the invitation to dine. Many business people forget that they are the host and act like a guest instead.

"At a business dinner, the host or hostess should be in charge," Dally-Watkins says.

"They should discuss the menu with their guests and their wine preferences. The host or hostess then does the ordering with the waiter, unless it is in a large group and then the waiter would take orders one by one.

"When ordering the wine, the waiter should ask the host or hostess to sip and approve the wine before serving others on the table.

It sometimes is possible for the host or hostess to get up at the end of the meal and quietly walk to the front desk and pay the account."

Back in the corporate dining room, there is no doubt that Glen-Marie Frost is the host. She knows immediately who is comfortable in the setting and who is in need of guidance.

Her assessment is based first on how each guest approaches the bread roll on their plate; in the second instance, it is how they tackle the soup.

"If you know the golden rules you can manage any situation with confidence," she tells her students, gently advising them to dip the spoon away from them and sip the soup quietly from the side. (And don't slurp.)

Suddenly Frost remembers she's forgotten to give a little lesson in buttering the bread roll.

"Oh no," says one executive. "I got it wrong on both counts. And we've hardly started the meal."

A lesson in etiquette
Answer true or false to the following. Answers at the bottom.

1. Your water glass should be on the left.
2. The correct way to eat bread is by breaking off bite-size pieces, rather than cutting the roll with a knife. Eat one piece at a time.
3. The order in which to use cutlery is from the inside out.
4. If in doubt, keep your elbows off the table.
5. If you drop a utensil on the floor, pick it up discreetly and keep using it.
6. Licking your fingers instead of using a napkin is permissible because it saves on water usage and detergent.

Answers: 1. False 2. True 3. False 4. True 5. False (quietly ask the waiter for a replacement) 6. False.