Knocked back for promotion? Perhaps it's your interpersonal skills.

Bronwyn from Randwick has been knocked back repeatedly for positions within her organisation that she felt entitled to get. She writes: "I have just been unsuccessful for the third time in two years. I have complained repeatedly to my manager and human resources about being overlooked and I am convinced that they are not interested in people doing a good job, they just want people who will do what they are told. Should I leave?"

Oh dear! I think it is possible that Bronwyn could be making a common and fundamental mistake in assuming that achievements compensate for a lack of amiability. Bronwyn betrays this belief in her statement that "they are not interested in people doing a good job, they just want people who will do what they are told". In other words, fitting in and doing a good job are completely separate things. If pressed, Bronwyn would probably realise that she also thinks that people who "fit in" don't do a good job.

This is a significant problem in a lot of workplaces, because relatively little time is devoted to nurturing supportive and effective relationships at work. Job descriptions focus mainly on work tasks and outcomes. Similarly, performance indicators or goals usually focus on things such as products, services or business outcomes.

When relationships at work are considered, it is instructive that the metaphors we choose tend to be either diagnostic or sporting.

So workplace relationships are often considered within diagnostic metaphors of "type". The implication is clear - we must diagnose the types within the workplace then offer a prescription for better communication.

Alternatively, relationships are considered as being a component of "team" work. This inevitably drives our considerations to the issue of team performance. Commonly, betraying the sporting pedigree of the metaphor, "ra-ra" exercises in the name of vague notions such as team bonding, trust building and cohesion are the order of the day. Well-funded versions of this metaphor often take place in resorts, bush camps and remote training facilities.

It strikes me that the fundamental issue in many workplaces is about relationships, not merely communication style, or team performance. The former approach runs the risk of reinforcing the idea of people having relatively fixed traits that we must "respect" (that is, work around). The latter often appears to assume relationships will be byproducts of engaging frenetically in a team-bonding activity.

Another way to consider this - avoiding labelling, lumbering people with types or getting frantic - is to appreciate that people have relationship needs at work that go beyond performance issues. Work is a form of social contribution.

Which means at some level all work involves other people, whether they are colleagues, clients or customers. Social contribution involves connection with others. As the shame and imperfection researcher Brene Brown points out, connecting with others requires courage - we must overcome thoughts that we might be rejected or are not good enough for others.

From this perspective we have the possibility of a gentler, more empathetic approach to relationships in the workplace. We can talk about needs, mutual respect, concerns, shame, insecurities and mutual understanding without the need to label or to get too "ra-ra".

Most workplaces are not frantic in the same way most sport is. People are more complex, more changeable, more inconsistent, more delightful than any simplistic label can capture. Most importantly, work is made up of individuals with needs and skills.

Recognising that some of those needs are for relationships offers the promise of releasing their skills as contribution to the organisation.

Good relationships go beyond teammates and type labels. Good work promotes good relationships, which promote good performance. Those good at relationships generally will perform better and will be more likely to be promoted.

Bronwyn might benefit from working on enhancing her relationships with her colleagues at work. Added to her strong performance, it will increase her chances of promotion.

Jim Bright is professor of career education and development at ACU and a partner at Bright and Associates, a career management consultancy. Email marked clearly "FOR PUBLICATION" to brightside@jimbright.com.